G R O W Y O U R W I N G S

I both cannot wait for tonight AND I also almost cannot stand the thought of watching it.   I thought I was all cool and like, composed.

Not so much.
,

Just finished watching Crossroad Blues.  It was weird seeing it post-S3.  The first time(s) I saw it it was all about thinking about IMToD and how Dean felt about John making his deal.  How angry and guilty Dean felt. 

Now I could watch it with IMToD, AHBL and NRFtW in mind.  John's deal, Sam's death and Dean's deal, and when Dean's ticket comes due.  It was interesting watching Evan talk about how desperate he was about his wife's impending death and that he'd have (and still would) do anything to prevent it.  About how Dean pointed out how Evan's wife would feel if she knew what Evan had given up for her.  And how she would feel living with that.  Of course at the time it was about Dean and how Dean felt about his Dad's deal.  But it had another layer--about Dean doing the same thing in a heartbeat--without hesitation and not caring how Sam would feel about it -- even though he knew how Sam would feel about it.  How Dean accepted that it was a selfish act--but he didn't care.  And about how, in NRFtW, he told Sam that their family had to stop making "stupid" sacrifices for each other.  How what he did was wrong, but that Sam can't make that same mistake. (Or something along those lines.)

I love this show.  I love Kripke.  I've said it before--but I love how I can rewatch an episode and see many more layers than I knew were there the first time.

Off to watch Croatoan now.

Oh--and thanks to everyone who replied to my "smart" posts.  I've a lot to think about.  I really appreciate hearing from fellow LJ'ers about their experiences and thoughts in this area.