Introversion and the Internet

[growyourwings]

Edit October 2010 :: When I first posted this article back in 2008, I find it interesting that I was not sensitive to the extrovert digs that appear in this article and in my own responses to it.   I think the fact I was insensitive shows how very dark those days were for me. I can truly say that July 2008 was a very dark time for me personally. Yesterday I was reviewing some of that past history and it led me back here. I can definitely remember that in 2008 I did not at all see any negative aspects to the viewpoints of the article. I think I was feeling victimized. Something I'd never thought I'd hear myself saying about myself. And coming from that space, all I could think was "hell, yes!"

Now in 2010, coming out from a 2 year period where I've undergone some reflection, growth, and healing, I re-read this article last night and did notice and wish there had not been extrovert bashing. I winced a little at the digs at extroverts.  I just didn't bother to point that out in my relinking; which I should have.   After responding to a insightful comment byjeeronie , I decided to provide some new 2010 context here. I still very much liked the points about introverts.   However, turning the tables "against" extroverts doesn't make those points any stronger.   I've always liked to think I believe in tolerance and balance.   Recognizing that I can have my own episodes of intolerance is not something I enjoy.   I'm not going to change any of the original post below because it helps me frame that time of my life for me.   Perhaps the original article was only trying for humor.  But I just want to say that the world needs both introverts and extroverts.  I know I very much depend on my main extrovert in my life, my husband.  My life without this key characteristic of him would have been a lot less vibrant and enjoyable.  And if I've offended any extroverts, I apologize for that.

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This is going to be one of those TL:DR posts.  Triggered by another day at work.  The day itself was not bad actually.  But my continuing frustration with "people" continues.  Can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em (really, you sure about that???)

Anyway I was thinking about fickleone's response to a recent meme where she said something like LJ or the Internet seems to be full of introverts.  When I woke up this morning I found myself thinking about how the Internet seems to be freeing up introverts into a world of socialization--but without the pressure and/or angst that comes with socialization in the real world.

Surely, I thought, someone out there has done a study and/or master's on this or something.

So at the end of today's work day, as I was walking through the parking garage thinking about how strange people were and how I could never seem to truly deal with politics and competition and territorial in-fighting and one-up-manship.  I mean I just DON'T CARE and I sometimes don't get why others DO? 

When I got home I remembered my thoughts of the morning, so I went a web-surfin'.  I googled "Introverts and Internet."

Whoa.  Huh.

174,000 hits.

I guess my thoughts were not unique.  I found master's and blogs and articles all over the place.  Some as early as 1996---and that's only looking through about two-pages worth of hits.

I won't get into some of the anger and frustration I felt when I found some folks who loved to equate introversion with being neurotic.  I mean some folks used the two terms interchangeably.

And of course, I re-found the an Atlantic article I remembered finding and reading before.   "Caring for Your Introvert" by Jonathan Rauch published in March 2003.  I can remember finding it an having an email conversation with fickleone about it at the time.  Being an extreme introvert married to an extreme extrovert I can so identify with this article.  If you haven't read it--GO THERE now.  A excerpt to entice you:

Extroverts are easy for introverts to understand, because extroverts spend so much of their time working out who they are in voluble, and frequently inescapable, interaction with other people. They are as inscrutable as puppy dogs. But the street does not run both ways. Extroverts have little or no grasp of introversion. They assume that company, especially their own, is always welcome. They cannot imagine why someone would need to be alone; indeed, they often take umbrage at the suggestion. As often as I have tried to explain the matter to extroverts, I have never sensed that any of them really understood. They listen for a moment and then go back to barking and yipping.

Another...

With the possible exception of Ronald Reagan, whose fabled aloofness and privateness were probably signs of a deep introverted streak (many actors, I've read, are introverts, and many introverts, when socializing, feel like actors), introverts are not considered "naturals" in politics.

"many actors...are introverts"  My SAA moment of this post.  Jensen anyone?  (Of course there was that "puppy dog" reference about Jared above.  ahem.)  And the part about introverts feeling like actors when socializing I can so identify with.  I've had that exact thought so many, many times.   One of my favorite mantras as I get myself ready to walk out the door to a social event is "It's showtime!"  Trying to psych myself up for a night of socializing.

And then...

The worst of it is that extroverts have no idea of the torment they put us through. Sometimes, as we gasp for air amid the fog of their 98-percent-content-free talk, we wonder if extroverts even bother to listen to themselves. Still, we endure stoically, because the etiquette books—written, no doubt, by extroverts—regard declining to banter as rude and gaps in conversation as awkward. We can only dream that someday, when our condition is more widely understood, when perhaps an Introverts' Rights movement has blossomed and borne fruit, it will not be impolite to say "I'm an introvert. You are a wonderful person and I like you. But now please shush."

Emphasis above is mine.

So then I found myself reading a follow-up interview with Rauch from February 2006 entitled, "Introverts of the World, Unite!"  The interview starts with...

But in 2003, when The Atlantic published a short essay by correspondent Jonathan Rauch on the trials of introversion in an extroverts' world, the reaction was overwhelming. Rauch was inundated with more enthusiastic mail about the piece than for anything else he'd ever written. And on The Atlantic's Web site, it drew (and has continued to draw) more traffic than any other piece we've posted.

And Rauch goes on in the interview to say that introverts are the...

"most misunderstood and aggrieved groups in America, possibly the world." By definition, he explained, introverts are those who find other people's company tiring. Yet the uncomprehending extrovert majority imposes its own gregarious expectations on extroverts and introverts alike—compelling incessant socializing, enthusiastic party-going, and easy shooting of the breeze as norms. Introverts, Rauch pointed out—though an oppressed minority—comprise a significant portion of the population. Their quiet, introspective ways, he argued, should therefore be viewed not as a deviation from standard, but as a different kind of normal.

Can I just say...

\O/  !!!!!

And then..

I think it's particularly hard for girls and women. "You'd be so much more popular if you'd talk more." It seems to me that the world would be a much better place, and that people would be much more rightly popular, if they talked less. Because so little of what most people say is actually worth hearing.

And then this which is SO TRUE for me.  I was always typed as shy.  But um...no?  Again, my emphasis below.

You asked about shyness versus introversion. My limited reading on the subject suggests that, psychologically speaking, they're regarded as different things. That reflects my own experience; I'm not particularly shy myself. To me, shyness implies a real reluctance to be socially aggressive or assertive. It's very difficult for shy people to put themselves out there if they need to. For introverts, it's never easy to do, but it's more a matter of reluctance to expend the energy, because it tires us out. That's what I feel most strongly. If I have to go to a party and then a dinner afterwards, I'm completely ruined for the evening. But if I'm called upon to run a business meeting or something, I don't feel any reluctance or anxiety about it. So, in my mind there's always been a fairly clear distinction between introversion and shyness.

And..

There's nothing small about small talk if you're an introvert. But we're good at big talk.

Okay and the following?  .... just .... WORD!

But I do think a lot of us are tired of being told that there's something wrong with us—of this lazy assumption that if you're not an extrovert, there's something wrong with you. I think my article may speak to people in part because of its defiant message. It says, "No, I don't wish to be an extrovert. Not everyone has to be one. And why don't you people get it?"

Okay I think I'm a little in love..

I do think that there's been, in the last ten years or so, a major economic resurgence for introversion—the "geek" economy. The prototypical geek is really good at thinking, has superb powers of concentration (which tends to be an introvert trait), and works very well independently. They're often pretty awesomely brilliant people, and they're fairly defiant about being geeks. They've turned this word "geek" into a term that's almost romantic in some ways, and through the Silicon economy, they've been massively innovative and economically important. A lot of them are running circles around the extroverts who are selling shoes. So I think part of what's happened lately is that the digital economy is giving introverts a new place in the sun. 

And this speaks to my thoughts of this morning..

Your article has also been one of the most popular pages on our Web site. We posted it three years ago, and it still gets more hits than practically anything else on the site.

Yes. The Internet is the perfect medium for introverts. You could almost call it the Intronet. You know the old New Yorker cartoon with a dog sitting at a computer saying to another dog, "On the Internet, no one knows you're a dog." Well, on the Internet, no one knows you're an introvert. So it's kind of a natural that when The Atlantic put this piece online, introverts beat a path to it; it's the ideal distribution mechanism by which introverts can reach other introverts and spread the word.