growyourwings: (buzz-off)
[personal profile] growyourwings
I don't think I am.  But I do get obsessed with work--because despite all my bitching--I really do like it and it's where I get a lot of my "strokes".

I'm wondering about myself because--tomorrow is my birthday.  And NO I'm not saying that for attention--in RL I'm not even telling anyone who doesn't already know - i.e., family.  I feel uncomfortable with too much RL attention.  But LJ isn't RL and I can "hide" pretty easily if I want to.

So anyway...I'm feeling lame and a bit of a workaholic or something because I'm feeling GUILTY because I'm taking tomorrow afternoon and Friday off of work because of my birthday.  I had no real plans for tomorrow specifically because Hubby has a mandatory class he has to take tomorrow evening.  He's taking me to the beach on Friday--so that's okay--np.  I just wanted to not be AT WORK for at least part of the day on my birthday so I could, well, basically do nothing but wallow in SPN-related activities.  I just found out my daughter, her boyfriend, and my mother will be coming over tomorrow evening to make me a dinner--that's cool.  But again--feeling guilty about leaving work at 2pm. 

I had had a doctor's appointment this past Monday that I had to schedule a month in advance (for my knee) -- then my directing sponsor required something on Monday so I decided to reschedule.  The only other time slot available within the next two weeks was 4pm on my birthday.  In downtown--13 miles away from where I live.  But I decided this deliverable for the sponsor was more important so I made the change.

All week I kept going back and forth about again rescheduling--even if it was 2 weeks in future--because I SO did not want to be in downtown at 4pm on the day of the birthday -- seeing a doctor!  I kept talking myself out of rescheduling.  And you know?  Finally I said screw it.  I reschedule at a drop of a hat for my sponsor--but not for myself?  And then later this week when they wanted to schedule more meetings for Friday that my hubby was taking me to the beach for--I felt GUILTY for saying I couldn't do it and they'd have to pick another time.

I need to get my priorities straightened out.

I just had a thought.  I don't think it's Type A personality.  I think it's that damn "I'm a Good and Responsible Girl and Want Everyone to Like Me' syndrome that so many of us females grew up with.  Dammit.  I need to bring out my inner bitch more often at work.

And I'm not even f-locking this.  So THERE work!  (Not that anyone at work will see this--but still I should get some points.)
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July 2020

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