growyourwings (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
growyourwings) wrote2008-02-03 02:32 pm
growyourwings) wrote2008-02-03 02:32 pm
Entry tags:
musing....
I'm reading a manuscript written by a young man in his twenties. I'm about halfway through. It's a biography of his high school days. I'm very impressed with this young man. For a guy so young he's had a lot of experiences--many not good. Yet he's cheerful, friendly, and a well-rounded human being.
So the Superbowl is about to start. I've decided I'm taking advantage of the national obsession (especially in the male department) to take what will hopefully be a quick trip to Home Depot to pick out various bathroom stuff for Tim's bathroom remodel. I figure Home Depot will be very very empty when the Superbowl is on. *crosses fingers*
I like football--more and more in fact. But I like the idea of an empty Home Depot even more. In and Out in under 45 minutes I hope. I need to pick out tile, flooring, cabinet, paint, counter-top. Since this is an extra bathroom upstairs, I'm just gonna go totally and boringly beige. I never want to remodel another bathroom again for eons. This is the last room in the house to go through a major change. Took us 10ish years--but it's just about over.
As I was reading his story I was trying to recall my own high school days (which were approximately, in dunno, about a million years ago?) I was a very, very introverted and shy person. I was so unsure of any social interaction--regardless of the click--that I basically didn't interact with most people. Had only a few friends. I didn't feel deprived--it was my choice and I didn't feel left out, ignored, or anything. I was basically happy--just by myself. But trying to remember back--I realize I don't really remember all that much detail.
Of course this guy is a little closer to his high school days when he wrote this--but I find myself envious of his interactions with his friends. And of his sense of freedom to be himself. If that was the true thing I missed out on in high school and later years--it was just being myself. Sometimes I wasn't because I honestly just didn't know who I was. Sometimes it was because I was trying to "do the right thing" (Whatever the heck that was.) Sometimes it was because of fear of disapproval--although I never thought of it like that.
It's kinda sad that it took me getting totally pissed off at a set of folks at work for me to finally throw all that out and say WTF--the hell with this--I'm being myself. I'm working against 40+ years of programming, but I find altogether I'm much happier. It is still very very had though to open myself up to people. That's something I usually need to know someone for years to let happen. I definitely need to change that.
Of course this guy is a little closer to his high school days when he wrote this--but I find myself envious of his interactions with his friends. And of his sense of freedom to be himself. If that was the true thing I missed out on in high school and later years--it was just being myself. Sometimes I wasn't because I honestly just didn't know who I was. Sometimes it was because I was trying to "do the right thing" (Whatever the heck that was.) Sometimes it was because of fear of disapproval--although I never thought of it like that.
It's kinda sad that it took me getting totally pissed off at a set of folks at work for me to finally throw all that out and say WTF--the hell with this--I'm being myself. I'm working against 40+ years of programming, but I find altogether I'm much happier. It is still very very had though to open myself up to people. That's something I usually need to know someone for years to let happen. I definitely need to change that.
So the Superbowl is about to start. I've decided I'm taking advantage of the national obsession (especially in the male department) to take what will hopefully be a quick trip to Home Depot to pick out various bathroom stuff for Tim's bathroom remodel. I figure Home Depot will be very very empty when the Superbowl is on. *crosses fingers*
I like football--more and more in fact. But I like the idea of an empty Home Depot even more. In and Out in under 45 minutes I hope. I need to pick out tile, flooring, cabinet, paint, counter-top. Since this is an extra bathroom upstairs, I'm just gonna go totally and boringly beige. I never want to remodel another bathroom again for eons. This is the last room in the house to go through a major change. Took us 10ish years--but it's just about over.